The Hypocrisy of Dating
A few disclaimers to start; I am a guy so many of opinions may not be agreed by ladies; again these are my opinions; I have come to these conclusions through countless personal experiences; and finally just have an open mind and assess yourself and situations you may be familiar with.
Folks let me try and talk about dating in the 2000-teens as an early thirty-something in rural America. It’s not a great scene. We all have preferences and some say if you compromise on those, you’re settling. I don’t believe in this logic. I think preferences are great to try and narrow your search, but ultimately I am about connections. Maybe someone is almost the exact opposite of your preferences but you just have that undeniable connection, pursue it I say. Now let’s get the point of which there are a few.
The first, I just summarized above, preferences. Don’t be a slave to your preferences. There are so many great people out there and although our preferences are usually there for reasons, check yourself to make sure they are the right reasons. If you are waiting on for a 6’5 blue eyed, chiseled cowboy to randomly appear in front of you, I have bad news ladies, be ready to bend a little. That’s not to say you should date someone you find repulsive, but looks usually fade with time, and probably shouldn’t be your primary concern. There is a whole lot that can be said on this subject but let’s leave it at this. Allow your preferences to help you find someone, but don’t allow your preferences to control who you choose.
Next is just simple, honesty. Just be honest, and honestly I think too many of us have a hard time with this one. Ladies I can you hear all now talking about all the lying guys out there etc. In my opinion I find guys to be pretty honest by and large, and you just choose to think you can change them. I have found women to be such a larger guilty party of dishonesty. I have two trains of thought on this. One the women are just trying to be nice, and let a guy down easy. This is all great and fine but I have read countless articles and opinions talking about how women have to break everything down for their male mates. If after years together women still have to be blunt about wanting their significant other taking out the trash, don’t you think you should be as honest and blunt about not being interested? The choruses sing but I told him I didn’t want to date, he was just a better friend, etc. Yet he’s your first call, last call, and everything in between. You told him how he would make such a good boyfriend and how much you cared about him, all the while knowing exactly he thought you were playing hard to get. You allow yourself to use him as a boyfriend substitute with no intention of ever letting him have a chance. This is where we get into the hypocrisy of dating. Both sexes are guilty, but I have to question females.
Females lament about lack of quality, honest, emotionally in touch men out there and yet when they find one they are ready to overlook them in an instant. ‘No one wants a guy who gets upset about me, I may as well be dating another girl.’ Then in the next breath, ‘Why are men such jerks and only interested in being physical?’ You can’t have it both ways. It goes for both, but in my experiences women are much worse in this area. That’s not to say all, but most ladies are more concerned with the physical, as much as they would have us believe men are the more shallow. The hardest people on women’s looks? Other women. I’ve talked to countless girls and many of my lady friends ask me what am I thinking, I can do so much better based purely on looks. That’s not me trying to toot my own horn here, but I can find beauty in all forms of women, and if I connect with someone it intensifies my attraction to them. I know too many women who like to talk a big game and say they don’t care about looks, but won’t settle for less than what I described in the 6’5 cowboy earlier. Again folks hypocrisy at its finest.
Next let us take a look at attraction. I put this in a totally different category than preferences. If you can’t explain why or why not you’re attracted to someone, I believe you aren’t ready for a real relationship. That’s not to say you can pinpoint exactly every reason someone makes you feel the way you do about them, but there has to be something tangible there or you’re just living in a fairy tale. Maybe it’s the fact their smile sends shivers down your spine, or they know just when to give a grasp of your hand. It could be that they show undeniable loyalty or the way they pronounce certain words. There has to be something that makes you say I could live without that, but I really wouldn’t want to. It could be none of the above, maybe it’s their wit or intelligence or the way they handle a wrench under the hood of a car but something has to be there though. So when I hear people say, “IT” just isn’t there or there is no “SPARK” I’m sorry I just don’t understand. Again I’m not saying you don’t know how you feel, I’m just saying if you can’t explain why you are attracted to the 6’5 cowboy and not the 5’9 gentleman, let me help you. It is usually abs, muscles, or something of the like, essentially you are shallow whether you’d like to admit or not.
I like to keep my posts to around a 1000 words, but let’s give you all a little bonus. The whole point of this was to point out the hypocrisy of women in modern dating, so let’s talk about that for a minute. There is a huge push for women empowerment, body acceptance, etc today. I think all of that is great. However, I feel we have accepted the erroneous conclusion that men don’t have emotions. I think women day by day are in large numbers becoming completely blinded to their toll on men. We get strung along and often are just told to quit whining or we’re just friends, without any real explanations. The shallowness I’ve seen exhibited by women has truly blown my mind over the last 5-8 years. “I won’t date a guy shorter than 6 foot tall,” “If he doesn’t drive a truck he needs to keep moving, “He thinks he is too good for people, because he doesn’t sound like us.” Ladies no one is perfect, if you’re waiting on perfect you’ll wait a lifetime. You need a reality check, these guys who are never in a relationship and have reputations as ‘players’, probably aren’t changing for you.
Evaluate the decisions you are making guy or girl, and make sure above all you’re being honest. If you’re honest you don’t have to worry about being a hypocrite. I can promise you this though, the moment you forget that, you’ll find yourself becoming everything you claim to be against.
M. Coty Myers